Dawnfire

Great Adventurer
Royal Guardian
Characters
Athon Dawnfire
Platform
Android, PC
Hey folks! Been a long time huh? This is something I've been meaning to write for a long time, but put it off a few times. As some of you have probably noticed I've haven't been around for quite a while. On 2021.01.01. I decided to quit the game (it was part of my new year's resolution). I wanted to post my reasons, but ultimately I failed to. Without going into too much details, there were quite a few things going on in my life, which also manifested in my gaming and relationship to this game. The two main reasons I left the game were:

1) Raids were running its 2nd season back then. If I recall correctly, it would have taken 250 runs to reach the max rewards, which was an insane grind. I had so many issues with how raids were designed, and felt like it was done in a really bad way. Tester feedback was there, and from what I can tell, it was changed for the most part of how me and some others envisioned it (which is great). But back then I just felt really frustrated with it, if only early feedback was an option, it could have been released in a much better state. But of course this also has a deeper meaning to it. I was way too much involved with this game, if I could have just said, "well the way raids are is not fun for me, so I just won't play them and do the things that are actually fun for me" that would have been a lot more healthy. But the completionist in me just wouldnt allow that. And this ties into the 2nd reason.

2) While I forged bonds with a few people, I also forged rivalries with some. And the rivalries became more in focus. I wanted to beat the raids and earn max rewards. But I saw other ahead of me, and felt like I had less time and thus less options to catch up. On group content I was watching dps meter a lot, even if I was not a pure dps build, I still wanted to be quite high up. And if someone was running a build similar to mine I felt annoyed (partly because I felt like it was taking away my "unique" role, but also because the way (de)buffing worked was that the newer overwrote the older even if it was weaker). Which is quite funny, since I shared my build, and should have felt proud that someone deemed it worthy to run it as well. I also had some childish posts on the forums, which I regret. I can see I was insecure about myself, and was craving the likes and reactions on my posts, more than I dared to admit back then. The game was not just a game anymore, it was a way to validate myself, and increase my self worth. And when I saw that it was not going the way I wanted it, (along with the frustration of raids) I felt like I needed to get away.

Now there have been other things too, not game related. I went into therapy for a while, and it really helped me a lot to clear my head and to begin to truly love and accept the person I am. My relationship with gaming changed too. It let's me to get away from real life frustrations, a way to just chill and enjoy myself. And while it is nice to get validation, it is definitely not a necessity anymore (at least not from strangers).

For those who might have been hurt by me, by either not responding to mails, discord, or simply my absence, I want to apologize. You really had done nothing wrong, I just simple did not have the courage to say goodbye or explain why I'm gone. Why write this now? I'm not sure. It was something I wanted to do, and somehow I remembered this game, this community. I might dip my toe in the game again sometime. But if I do, it will be just a game to have fun, and to connect to a truly unique and fun game and community (and dev team).

Thank you for reading, and letting me share this story
 

IrishElf

Citizen
Forum Moderator
WOW, you really had a tough time! Taking a time away sometimes does a lot of good, and it seems for you it did.

It's good to hear from you and I hope you can enjoy the game again!
 
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Ekimie

Hunter
Royal Guardian
Platform
Steam
Brave of you to admit all that! That definitely isn't easy, as writing it is also admitting it to yourself . The only thing I miss in your post (or maybe I read over it?) is, will you be coming back, now that you're in a better place in life? I hope to see you around again.

Cheers Eki
 

Majenta

Villager
Forum Moderator
Platform
PC
It is good to hear from you again.

I hope that you do indeed feel at some stage that you would like to return to the game, but please do what is best for you.

All I can say is that on a purely personal level, I would be happy to see you in game again if you were able to return, and I believe that is a view which would be shared by many players who remember you on EU1.
 

Kitty the Hunter

Villager
Platform
PC
Now there have been other things too, not game related. I went into therapy for a while, and it really helped me a lot to clear my head and to begin to truly love and accept the person I am. My relationship with gaming changed too. It let's me to get away from real life frustrations, a way to just chill and enjoy myself. And while it is nice to get validation, it is definitely not a necessity anymore (at least not from strangers).
This is truly good news, I'm happy for you.
 

Dawnfire

Great Adventurer
Royal Guardian
Characters
Athon Dawnfire
Platform
Android, PC
Thank you all for your kind words! (if there were a heart reaction option, I'd have given it to all of you)

@Ekimie I was undecided when I wrote my post. But seeing all of your reactions, I'll be trying it out again, and see how it goes :)
 

Antavious

Warrior
Characters
Antavious, suoivatna
Platform
iOS
I can definitely relate to a lot of what you are saying in this thread on a personal level I have and do experience these feelings too. These types of games can do things to you emotionally both seemingly good and bad. I joined this game so I could just grind away till I had tons off random stuff (it looked good to do that in) but it has definitely turned into something else for me. I have good days where I love every second but sometimes I don’t feel good at all. I suppose I try my best to avoid the bad but occasionally my FOMO gets the better of me and I seam to put myself in an unpleasant situation. Something I need to keep a close eye on I guess I think that’s the key and it’s clear that you are doing just that so good luck I wish you all the best whatever you decide.
 
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Dawnfire

Great Adventurer
Royal Guardian
Characters
Athon Dawnfire
Platform
Android, PC
@Antavious Thanks for sharing that, I hope you will be able to find a good middle ground!
 
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Chris30s

Reader
Platform
PC
Dawnfire, it's good to see your post. I'm glad that time away from gaming has let you get into a better life-space. I hope that good space continues even after you resume playing, whether it's this game or some other(s).
 
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Littlenymph

Squirrel
Characters
Layla Littlenymph
Platform
PC, Steam
Online activity can be a little addictive because it's interactive. It's very easy to absorb it into your daily life, which generally results in inserting your daily life into your online activity. That's all well and fine for social media but online gaming is a bit different. It's a form of entertainment and can be a welcome respite from daily pressures. The main reason for doing it is for the fun of it. When you reach a point where it's no longer fun, it's time for a little reflection. I commend you for recognizing that and am glad that personal reflection seems to have benefitted you.

I believe I know you better from the forum than in-game and it's nice to see you again. It would please me greatly to see you in-game, as well.
I'm wishing you the best in all you do. If returning to the V&H community for a bit of fun and relaxation is one of those things you wish to do, we will be very pleased to have you back among us.
 
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